I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
