no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
