Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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