So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
