So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
