Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
