Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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