i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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