you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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