if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
