for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
