Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
