At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
