What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
