Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
