I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
