In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The best walk of shames are on the highway
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
