So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
