I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
