Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
