ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
