Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
