He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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