even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would fuck him just for his dog
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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