I didn't shave. On purpose
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize