i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
