I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can you bring me the toilet please
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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