I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
