who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
