So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
