Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
