I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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