Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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