one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
