3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
