proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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