I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
