my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
