you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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