He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
