When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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