Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My dick has a subreddit
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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