Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
