Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
