either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
