She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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