I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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