This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
