I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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