I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
